Heres to you, Trendy college kid!
Here’s to you college boys and girls, the people who consistently redefine the word tool on a daily basis. How can this be possible you ask, well then you have never been on a college campus? There are some trends that need to be addressed before we can understand this redefining of tool.
Trend 1: “Days of the week, reinvented”
Days of the week beginning with adjectives that make you sound trendy; for example, “Wasted Wednesdays” or “Thirsty Thursdays”. How fresh is this? You mean to tell me someone actually came up with this, and they weren’t even a comedian? That’s just what our generation needs, more god damn excuses to drink. But the hilarity of this is not in the intelligence of creation of these words it’s that fact that no matter how much these kids drink and how unintelligent they really are, somehow, someway they manage to do better than me.
Trend 2: “Skipping”
First days of class are fun for me, I get to sit and listen to kids piss and moan over the teacher’s syllabus and whether or not they think the teacher is going to require attendance. Where’s the logic in not going to class? Boo hoo I was drinking last night and I am too hung over to go. EXCUSE. I’m not going to that class, I hate the teacher, and she is boring. EXCUSE. I’m not going to go to the class, the teacher doesn’t take attendance; I’ll get the notes of someone else. EXCUSE.
But this is the kicker; these kids (or their parents) are paying for the classes they are taking, WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU GOING? You bitch about how much tuition is, you bitch about how much everything is, gas, food, movie ticket etc. So what you mean to tell me is you can bitch and moan about certain things but you can waste the eight thousand some dollars it is to go to this school? Yeah, real fucking intelligent. Hypocrisy is so rampant on college campuses, and most of these kids bitch about how politicians, parents, teachers, police are hypocrites, yeah that’s the kettle calling the pot black.
Trend 3: “Cheating”
Again, probably one of the biggest problems and yet nothing is ever done about cheating. Here’s some insight to cheating. You don’t study, “Its alright I’ll just copy it off Jim tomorrow”. Cheating begets cheating, the more you do it, the more you are going to depend on it to further your education. You cheat in college algebra, you can’t do trig, you can’t do trig, you can’t do elementary physics. It’s a vicious cycle, and yet so many idiots just cheat. Hell I have cheated, everyone has, and if you say you don’t, you’re a fucking liar.
But, think of this in the future, cheating is a “present tense” oriented act. You cheat because you didn’t study, so you just want to do good this time. Well look 20 years down the road, hey fuck-o guess what, that class you cheated in, yeah you need it in life.
Think about this next time you cheat, lets say you have kids, and your pediatrician cheated in college, and med school, oops he prescribed the wrong thing for your kids, oops your kid is dead. Yeah its and extreme example, but it could happen.
We have looked at only three things that define what I like to call nu-tool. Your basic tool is a frat boy, everyone knows that. But the nu-tool is a beast of a different kind, just think mommy; my generation is going to be taking care of you in the future when you’re old. Yeah college is supposed to be fun, but not a fucking drunken haze, your not here to party, yeah you can relax every once and awhile, but think of it as a fucking job. Next time you bitch about having an 8 o’clock class -- think about this. The real world gets up at 6 am and starts, not 1 in the afternoon. Reality is a bitch, deal with it. I have done my share of drinking, but not daily or weekly for that matter, college is the foundation for the rest of your life, and all I can see a majority of people doing is wasting money, if you’re here to party, fucking get a job as a garbage man and live near a college campus.
College sucks, learning sucks, but heinz sight is 20/20. Spend your time dicking around and you will be sorry.
Trend 1: “Days of the week, reinvented”
Days of the week beginning with adjectives that make you sound trendy; for example, “Wasted Wednesdays” or “Thirsty Thursdays”. How fresh is this? You mean to tell me someone actually came up with this, and they weren’t even a comedian? That’s just what our generation needs, more god damn excuses to drink. But the hilarity of this is not in the intelligence of creation of these words it’s that fact that no matter how much these kids drink and how unintelligent they really are, somehow, someway they manage to do better than me.
Trend 2: “Skipping”
First days of class are fun for me, I get to sit and listen to kids piss and moan over the teacher’s syllabus and whether or not they think the teacher is going to require attendance. Where’s the logic in not going to class? Boo hoo I was drinking last night and I am too hung over to go. EXCUSE. I’m not going to that class, I hate the teacher, and she is boring. EXCUSE. I’m not going to go to the class, the teacher doesn’t take attendance; I’ll get the notes of someone else. EXCUSE.
But this is the kicker; these kids (or their parents) are paying for the classes they are taking, WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU GOING? You bitch about how much tuition is, you bitch about how much everything is, gas, food, movie ticket etc. So what you mean to tell me is you can bitch and moan about certain things but you can waste the eight thousand some dollars it is to go to this school? Yeah, real fucking intelligent. Hypocrisy is so rampant on college campuses, and most of these kids bitch about how politicians, parents, teachers, police are hypocrites, yeah that’s the kettle calling the pot black.
Trend 3: “Cheating”
Again, probably one of the biggest problems and yet nothing is ever done about cheating. Here’s some insight to cheating. You don’t study, “Its alright I’ll just copy it off Jim tomorrow”. Cheating begets cheating, the more you do it, the more you are going to depend on it to further your education. You cheat in college algebra, you can’t do trig, you can’t do trig, you can’t do elementary physics. It’s a vicious cycle, and yet so many idiots just cheat. Hell I have cheated, everyone has, and if you say you don’t, you’re a fucking liar.
But, think of this in the future, cheating is a “present tense” oriented act. You cheat because you didn’t study, so you just want to do good this time. Well look 20 years down the road, hey fuck-o guess what, that class you cheated in, yeah you need it in life.
Think about this next time you cheat, lets say you have kids, and your pediatrician cheated in college, and med school, oops he prescribed the wrong thing for your kids, oops your kid is dead. Yeah its and extreme example, but it could happen.
We have looked at only three things that define what I like to call nu-tool. Your basic tool is a frat boy, everyone knows that. But the nu-tool is a beast of a different kind, just think mommy; my generation is going to be taking care of you in the future when you’re old. Yeah college is supposed to be fun, but not a fucking drunken haze, your not here to party, yeah you can relax every once and awhile, but think of it as a fucking job. Next time you bitch about having an 8 o’clock class -- think about this. The real world gets up at 6 am and starts, not 1 in the afternoon. Reality is a bitch, deal with it. I have done my share of drinking, but not daily or weekly for that matter, college is the foundation for the rest of your life, and all I can see a majority of people doing is wasting money, if you’re here to party, fucking get a job as a garbage man and live near a college campus.
College sucks, learning sucks, but heinz sight is 20/20. Spend your time dicking around and you will be sorry.
posted by TMFP at 7:48 PM
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